Great Pitch For Why LeBron Should Come To NYC
New York Magazine has a funny, phenomenal, and pretty darn convincing, pitch for LeBron to come to New York. Here are some of the highlights:
1. If You Want to Make That First Billion Before You Turn 30, This Is the Place to Do It
Features a great picture of the Chrysler Building, and if you look closely, there’s a basketball hoop on top with James dunking it.
3. Allow Us to Introduce You to Chris Bosh
"Before the 2009 All-Star Game, you told a reporter, “I would definitely love to play with Chris Bosh. Being around him last summer [in the Olympics], I got to see how smart he is. His basketball IQ is unbelievable.” We completely agree with your assessment, and, as you two may have discussed, Bosh also happens to be a free agent this summer. Are you thinking what we’re thinking?The Toronto Raptors’ big man is perfect for you. David Thorpe, the private coach to some of the NBA’s best players and one of the game’s greatest minds, told us the first thing you would need to succeed here is a lithe, shot-blocking, rebounding big man who can make the outlet pass and push the offense into motion. Bosh is nearly seven feet tall, runs like a deer, and is one of the five best rebounders in the game. Thorpe says the combination of you two would be devastating—two fast, powerful players in their primes. Realistically, New York is the one place where you two can play together without leaving money on the table. You’ve never played with someone of Bosh’s caliber before, and you probably won’t get another chance."
5. Because We Can Offer You Coach Mike D’Antoni
I gotta the jury’s still out on whether I think D’Antoni’s good, let alone a draw for free agents, but after reading this pitch, I was sold. Check out the link ‘cuz they even diagram plays in addition to this:
"Listen, we know you like Cleveland coach Mike Brown. He’s a smart man and particularly skilled at coaching defense. You’ve done some fine things together. You might even win a title this year. Here’s the problem. Brown’s approach to coaching the most unique, breakthrough NBA talent in decades has basically been, I will match up my five against your five, and because one of my five is LeBron James, I will beat you. On the whole, this has been effective, but, LeBron, watching you dribble around while everyone on your team waits for you to do something is excruciating to watch. We can’t imagine it’s that much fun for you, either."
"Here in New York, we have Mike D’Antoni, the most innovative offensive mind of his generation. Remember Jack McCallum’s book Seven Seconds or Less? The title is a simplified version of D’Antoni’s coaching philosophy: Shoot early and shoot often. D’Antoni was the guy behind those high-octane Phoenix Suns teams from your first five years in the league, the ones that routinely averaged more than 110 points per game (a dozen more than the Cavs have been getting). Rather than carefully build their way into a high-percentage shot, D’Antoni’s teams routinely attempt the spectacular. Or at least, that’s what they do when he has the talent. And D’Antoni’s never coached a talent like you. Sure, he had that whirling dervish Steve Nash and the LeBron-lite known as Amar’e Stoudemire. But you are a whole different beast. You at “the helm of a Mike D’Antoni offense,” Thorpe says, “could be the most beautiful basketball ever played.” Just discussing the idea made Thorpe practically giddy: “LeBron allows a coach like D’Antoni to come up with matchups that have literally never been created before. The best finisher of all time, on an offense that thrives in the transition? Imagine!”"
"Plus, on a team that plays at a faster pace, you’ll have more possessions, and therefore more opportunities to score, rebound, and assist. Your stats this year are jaw-dropping, but they pale in comparison to what you would do in a D’Antoni offense. Your Cleveland team has a Pace Factor (the number of possessions a team has per game) of 93.5. That’s 25th in the NBA. The Suns’ Pace Factor during the 2007–8 season was 112.9. That’s 19 extra possessions a game, or 1,600 a season. If you play with D’Antoni, you could assault almost every NBA career record and love every second of it."
9. Because We Can Offer You The Best Of The Best In Nightlife
11. We’re Remaking the World’s Most Famous Arena Just in Time for Your Arrival
12. Winning a Championship in New York Is Like Nothing Else
"Keith HernandezMets, 1986“I loved winning in St. Louis, but winning here was special because the Mets were down for so long. After so many years of bad play, it really captured the town. I couldn’t buy anything for weeks. One night at Canastel’s, dinner for a party of ten, they sent over Cristal for everybody. Everyone remembers me as a Met. Even in St. Louis.”"
Wait, Keith Hernandez played in St. Louis?? Who knew?
13. If You Win Here, We’ll Name a Street After You
"We’ve already got Babe Ruth Plaza, Joe DiMaggio Highway, Lou Gehrig Plaza, Joe Louis Plaza … you get the picture. For you, we’re thinking big:"
Check out the link above to see the photoshopped photo.
14. If You Win Here, We’ll Name a Sandwich After You
Click on the link to see the picture of the behemoth.
And lastly, there’s a description of what a documentary of LeBron’s career would look like with this gem:
"Fall 2013LeBron, having just won his third-straight title and fifth-straight MVP, buys the abandoned Goldman Sachs building in Jersey City and commutes to the Garden every day by yacht."