With the Knicks racking two wins in a row, rumors have really rapidly run rather rampantly. Is it true that the players’ life-forms have been inhabited by aliens? How else do you explain wins over a top team like Atlanta, ending Dallas’ 13 game winning streak in a blow-out, and not playing down to Philadelphia’s level last night and losing like we like to do? We here at Buckets Over Broadway are not afraid to plunge into such hard-hitting journalistic investigations to uncover the truth for you. Are these the same Knick players we’ve known all year? Or are they hosts to a possibly hostile race of space creatures who’ve come to slowly yet surely destroy any sense of logic in our world, thus creating chaos, leaving us unable to know up from down, and easy pickings for interplanetary conquest? At this point, either seems feasible. Let’s compare what clues point towards being a Knick versus an Alien:
Danilo Gallinari’s shot attempts – Gallo, one of the few returning players for next year, and perhaps the one with the most potential, lead the team in shot attempts last night against the Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers. While this should be normal, the Knicks have preferred to run the offense through players who are either mediocre (Chris Duhon, Eddie House, Sergio Rodriguez, Tracy McGrady) or who don’t necessarily have a future with the team (David Lee and Al Harrington). A few games ago Gallo scored over 20 points for the first time in over 21 games. Last night, just a couple of games later, he passes that 20 point barrier again. What’s changed? We’ve been taken over by aliens that’s what.
Knicks – 0, Aliens – 1
Rebounding – The Knicks got outrebounded last night 54-38. Hmm, wait, that sounds normal. Maybe these are the same guys after all.
Knicks – 1, Aliens 1
Toney Douglas – For the second night in a row he scored 20+ points as the new starting point guard. He shot over 50% from the field, a perfect 4-for-4 from the line, hit two three-pointers, had three steals and seven assists. This is a player who had been so firmly stuck on the bench that at one point maintenance men thought he was dead and painted a chalk outline around his body. As if that wasn’t suspicious enough, last night he uttered this quote: “The coaches have a lot of confidence in me.” Obviously when aliens take over a human’s body, they don’t retain the host’s memories. If they did they’d recall all those times the coaches were too scared to play Toney “Don’t call me Tony” Douglas even though Duhon was adding new levels of meaning to the word suckitude. Someone call Sigourney Weaver ‘cuz any moment now an Alien’s gonna shoot outta Tonieey’s stomach.
Knicks – 1, Aliens 2
Toney Douglas, First Half – While Toni Tone did notch 6 of his assists in the first half, for the most part he was a Knick. Two turnovers, only hitting one out of five shots (with one of ‘em even being blocked), committing a foul, and not getting a single rebound (in the second half he improved his work on the boards by finally getting that one single rebound). The Sixers’ fellow point guard rookie, Jrue Holiday, kept pressuring Toney coming up the court. Toney kept taking the challenge personally, refusing to just pass it up ahead and instead using up a good quarter of the shot clock as he dribbled back and forth until he made it on his own and was now ready to start running the offense. As a result the Knicks ended the first half down by 11 points. Hmm, losing significantly to an equally pathetic team whose “star” (Andre Iguodala) had shot only 2 for 8? That sounds pretty Knick-like to me.
Knicks – 2, Aliens – 2
Wilson Chandler’s Shot Attempts – Much like with Gallo, the Knicks prefer to not run the offense through Will the Thrill even though he’s got worlds of potential and is the second building block who’ll be around next year. Last night he shot a crazy 66.6% from the field on 9 shots. Four other players got more attempts, including Al “Definitely Won’t Be Around Next Year And Yet I Get To Shoot As Much As I Want” Harrington. Yup, business as usual. Who cares if Will was second on the team in plus minus with a whopping plus 20?
Knicks – 3, Aliens -2
David Lee Scores 8 Points – And somehow the Knicks won? Let’s tear the skin off our players and see if it’s hiding green scales — these guys have gotta be V. (Actually, I haven’t watched the new remake — do the Visitors still have scales underneath?)
Knicks – 3, Aliens – 3
Eddy Curry Was A Game-Time Decision – In the end it turned out that he didn’t feel healthy enough to play. Okay, maybe these are our New York Knicks after all.
Knicks – 4, Aliens – 3.
But all bets are off if our beleaguered center comes back next game, scores 30 points and starts calling himself Ed-E Curr-E.
Tags: 76ers Al Harrington Aliens Andre Iguodala Atlanta Hawks Chris Duhon Dallas Mavericks Danilo Gallinari David Lee Eddie House Eddy Curry Jrue Holiday Philadelphia Sixers Sergio Rodriguez Sigourney Weaver Toney Douglas Tracy McGrady V Tv Show Will The Thrill Wilson Chandler